My Uncle is not a God. He is not the God. In fact by observation he’s not even a very good man.
My mother is not now, has ever been or ever will be jealous of him or what he has.
My mother is not a thief. She did not take anything from grandma and she didn’t steal anything from any of you. Despite the scurrilous rumour that my uncle started. I’ve heard my mother’s account and and I was there that day and I believe her.
My mother gave everyone the chance to have more quality time with grandma than they would have had otherwise. No one stepped up, but my mother to take care of her. Least of all my uncle. In the beginning, grandma was just lonely and tired and maybe not looking after things as she should. She said she found the nights hardest. When my mother visited and saw how she was and noticed a difference, she offered to move in. Otherwise, unless anyone that already lived near her offered to move in with her and give her the 24/7 companionship and care she needed, she was headed for a home and a faster death. But my mother stepped up and took excellent care for her. This is verified by anyone who stopped by and officially by Nova Scotia Caregivers who gave mom glowing reports on their inspections.
Yeah mom got the house, because she asked for it. She sold her house to move to Nova Scotia to take care of grandma and they used the money to live on while down there and pay their expenses. When someone leaves you something in their Will as I understand it, it is yours to do with what you wish. But various people have expressed that they felt that if mom wanted to move or had no further need for the house that she should have gifted her only asset back to the family. The one that is currently acting the most cruel by giving my mother the silent treatment and then when she finally tracked him down said, “You sold my mother’s house.”; would not have done that. He would have sold it for the money I’m sure. This house is not even the house they grew up in. That house was torn down. I believe the problem is that while my mother was there taking care of grandma and after, my mother was treated like a door mat. It was “mama’s house” not also my mother’s home. My uncle dropped in unannounced every morning just like he did before my parents moved in. Didn’t matter if you were eating or still had your night clothes on. As long as he saw his mother at his convenience, it didn’t matter. Mom didn’t say anything. She felt that they would make her life miserable by saying she was cutting off access to grandma. But could not a compromise have been reached? Surely her safety was not in question as my mother was there. But no it couldn’t wait. People walked in and out of there like my mother did not even exist. She was just the caretaker. Not a person. With rights. This uncle who’s acting like a jerk now used to come down and ask for this food or that food which my mother gave willingly. Now that the house has been sold, to another uncle, who is not living in it, it’s not a matter of just walking in whenever you damn well please. You have to get a key and clean up after yourself and be accountable to someone else. Oh by the way these uncles and aunts are all in their 60s-80s. Despite the fact that some of them are acting like mean girls, they are all sadly adults. But no, they would have just liked my mother to pack and leave her only asset, with no money to buy a new home in Ontario to live close to me. What they don’t realize that if they had treated my mother better from the beginning, she might still be there. Instead of mourning with her, they mourned without her. They wanted this and that and kept grabbing and asking. Even though my mother was willed the house and contents and it was hers to give. They felt they were owed. And when my mother stopped giving, they stopped talking to her, except when they had to or wanted to out of curiosity. But not out of warmth or duty to a sister.
They all tried to destroy my mother and her reputation. They even talked about it in front of their children…my cousins. To the point where I got an email from one of my cousins asking me what the etiquette was on my mother writing cheques on her death mother’s account. If only she knew the mother I grew up with. A woman who would go back to the grocery store when she was “undercharged” to give back money. Yeah and she’s going to steal from her own mother’s estate? Not likely.
It’s greed, jealousy, one getting more than the other. If the memories and good feelings of your mother are tied to money and possessions then you are sad and pathetic and your soul is in trouble.
Because my mother took care of my grandmother I had the opportunity to spend more quality time with her than I would have otherwise. Even in the depths of dementia she was a wonderful, funny, caring woman. And I would not trade those days for anything. Everyone else had that opportunity as well. But for many of them, it was hard to get them to visit at all. Either they couldn’t bear to see her decline or they just wanted to pretend that everything was ok. It was a 24/7 job and exhausting. But my mother did it well. To get help from those that now have treated her as an outcast was something she had to beg for. Oh they visited on the important days like her birthday or Christmas where their presence would be noted and they would be seen. Not in private, when it mattered.
But mom was a middle child, who moved away and was now considered “from away”, a quaint little colloquialism that they use to divide people into us and them. Mom was an us but somehow became a them. Despite sacrificing her life for her mom and her “family”. And like my Uncle said, “We never had any trouble down here until you came around.” Lovely thing for a brother to say to a sister.
My mother is heartbroken. But life carries on. She is closer physically to me and we are all excited about that. She is becoming great friends with my stepfather’s family. Although this whole mess is still the elephant in the room and people smile politely at my mother, they don’t share what is being said about her and by whom. They try to act like they are neutral. But as they view my uncle as a God, it’s easier to doubt mom than him. They want to be welcome down in Cape Breton after all. There is no justice for mom. Only the fact that she did nothing wrong and there are some who believe her.
But what I really know for sure is that my grandmother would be so disappointed in her children and how they’ve treated mom. And for that matter so would grandpa. So disappointed. Especially in their ringleader. My uncle, who some say is a God.